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Is it 2010 Yet? January 2, 2009

Posted by hopeauthority in Autism, Family, Parenting, special needs, Uncategorized.
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Ahhh… 2009.

A whole new year to endure enjoy.

Did I say that out loud? Oops.

Bet that didn’t sound like the typical perky New Year’s Day stuff you’re used to hearing. The upbeat talk of resolutions from the self-absorbed who swear (again!) that this will finally be the year they stop smoking, or get a better job, or lose the ever-increasing extra weight they’ve amassed because they can’t push themselves away from the table.

Well, I’m not perky. Or particularly upbeat. And I am certainly not typical. And neither is my son, for that matter. And while I’ve been guilty of making the same kinds of resolutions in the past ( and have asked a fellow blogger to let me know if she finds my inner size 6 while she’s searching for her own), I don’t really have the time to be self-absorbed. (Or the money to drop on the annual gym membership that I actually use just once!) And I am tired of the guilt from failed and unreasonable resolutions.

So while I was pondering what deep, profound resolutions I would make for this year, I  decided that the best thing to do is just reolve to do my best each day. Some days, that will be really good. Other days, it will have to be good enough.

This year started out pretty rough for my family. It was as if all that “Christmas Miracle” business I was basking in over the past couple weeks came crashing down along with the Times Square Ball on New Year’s Eve.  Poof…it was gone.

We had a  tough outing at the inlaws’ house yesterday. It was a new condo that they just moved into a few days ago. And it is so small when you try to cram the whole family of 19 into it. Add to that a cousin of 4 and his desirable toys which were ever, so ever, so perfect for lining up…and you get a recipe for disaster. Each time he removed one from the line, it set ‘C’ off in a tantrum of epic proportions that lasted just long enough for the boy to tire of that toy and come back to remove yet another. Sigh…  

And there was no escaping. We were celebrating my daughter’s birthday with the family that night so we had to stay through cake for her sake…and try to pretend that things were under control, when it was obvious that they weren’t. Its been over a year since we’ve had such a bad scene with the family.

I refer to moments like this as putting me in a “black funk”. It usually lasts for days. It’s a particularly low level of sadness that can’t be shaken or consoled…it just runs its course in its own time. 

My mood is always linked to how my son’s life is going. If he is doing well, I can be almost giddy with joy…even if my house is burning down.  Yet, if he is having a rough time, then I am blue…and nothing…not even winning the lottery…will cheer me up. 

I know it’s just another day, but it is particularly hard to go into a new year with such a bad start. It feels like one of those bad karma things.

I sure hope I’m wrong. Time will tell.

Right now, I’m ready for 2010. I want a do-over of New Year’s Eve… And while I’m asking, I’d like to request that the camera guy refrain from airing the offensive, extended, and awkward lip-lock of Mr. and Mrs. Dick Clark. Ewwwww. In the name of decency, just a peck, please.



1. hope4mygirl - January 3, 2009

OMG I can SO relate to this. As you know, I DONT do well when “J” has a set back AT ALL and I go into my funk for about a week. When “J” is doing well, so am I…..I DO have a feeling that 2010 is going to be OUR YEAR though………I just have “a feeling”…..

2. hopeauthority - January 3, 2009

from your mouth to God’s ears, my friend…

3. tiredmama - January 4, 2009

And I thought that I was the only one with “black funk!” Here’s to wishing that the two of us spend less time in it this year!!!

4. MOMSBLESSINGS - January 6, 2009

We all are truly on the same page when it comes to that “black funk” as you call it, those times can be so hard. But know that you are not alone…that’s why we need to support eachother. NO ONE can truly understand that without walking in our shoes. Lets be thankful that we come out of it….(you know that’s me looking on the bright side) lol

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