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Worst Mother or Best Mother? February 1, 2009

Posted by hopeauthority in Autism, Children, Parenting.
Tags: , , , ,

Seems to me this one could go either way…

When you have a typical 11 year old daughter and an autistic 6 year old son, it’s an understatement to say that life can be complicated.

Tonight is one of those times.

It is almost 4:00 am. It’s both my most dreaded night of the year and the one I feel best about. It’s my daughter’s sleep-over birthday party…

And all ten girls are still up… as in moving around, not just awake. And they show no signs of fading. They’ve been at it since 7:30 pm. Karaoke, dancing, a mystery theater show (too cool). Games, crafts, and cupcake decorating. They kicked things off with a make-your-own-taco bar and most recently wolfed down some soft, home-made pretzels. Giggles and “Brick House” are emanating from the basement as I type.

I will really pay for this tomorrow, but for tonight, I get to feel like the best mom. You see, I have this weird paranoia about allowing her to sleep over other people’s houses. I am so afraid something will happen to her, so I trudge out at about 1am to retrieve her in her pajamas for her to sleep at home (but that’s another post…). Autism (and infertility before it) has made me into the kind of person who almost expects adversity and the black cloud. I live life waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Yet, I also feel like the worst mom. As much as I know I am giving my daughter a wonderful memory of her birthday…it comes at a cost.

To do this, I sent hubby and Fabio packing. And that makes me feel like the worst mom.  They left an hour before the party to have dinner and then sleep at my inlaws’ house. I hate that autism makes me have to do this so that my daughter…who is so selfless and wonderful with her brother all year…can have a care-free night with the girls. A night of “typical”. For her birthday. 

Half of my mind (no wisecracks!) was on them all night. Was it a nice visit…or chaos? Hubby’s not as good at “managing” Fabio.  Did he go to sleep okay there? Will they hear him if he wakes…before he gets out of the condo?

Well, it looks like I’ll be up all night anyway… so I can keep debating.



1. MOMSBLESSINGS - February 2, 2009

You shouldn’t beat yourself up for having your son and husband sleep over the inlaws, alot of people who have their daughters sleep overs and have typical brothers leave to do something so they can have a girls night. I myself don’t have a daughter, but I know my nieces have sleep overs every year for their birthdays and their brother does something with the father. It’s also nice for your husband and son to have time together, and your daughter so deserves to have a night of no explanations. You shouldn’t wonder if you are a good Mom, if you weren’t you wouldn’t care!

2. HeatherPride - February 2, 2009

Aw, don’t be too hard on yourself. Just remember it’s one night and your daughter totally deserves it. I hope she had a great time!!

3. pixiemama - February 2, 2009

Best mom.
No need to second guess.

4. hopeauthority - February 3, 2009

Thanks guys! Two of the girls (and me of course) actually stayed up all night. All of them stayed up later than their prior “records”. Too funny.
And hubby didn’t lose Fabio either, so a good time was had by all!

5. Wendy - February 15, 2009

Your daughter will thank you later on as you have showed her that she is special too…she needs a break too and a chance at the things girls love to do without worring about what her brother may or may not due. (my D is almost 17 now and has told me things of what it was like growing up with her brother…eye opening) We always made her birthday special. A day she could do anything she wanted…gone anyplace (with in reason) and take along a friend or two. Sometimes her brother came with but always enough adults to make sure that it did not cut into her special day. We never left early from someplace (and sometimes that ment taking two cars) on that day.

BEST MOM! Glad to hear the boys did great too…just like yours my H does not do as well with J as I can.

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