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Autism and the Assumption of Inconvenience April 26, 2009

Posted by hopeauthority in Autism, Parenting, religion.
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I call it the “Assumption of Inconvenience”.

You’ve all likely experienced it already. Often. But if not, you will. Oh, you will.

It comes into play when there’s an event, holiday, or a function of some importance… being hosted by friends or family with whom you may actually have a good relationship… that you so righteously expect to be invited to.

But… the invite never comes.

WTF?, you ask.

This just happened to hubby and me …again… this week.

In this latest situation, I innocently asked my good friend Rose on Wednesday when she came to pick up her freakin dog that I dog-sat for (more on that later) when her daughter…our Goddaughter…was making her Confirmation.

She replied: “Monday”.

As in tomorrow.

Ummm, were you ever even going to tell me?

These are really close friends. They “get” the autism thing better than anyone we know. We love them and their kids and the feeling is mutual. So why the apparent snub?

The Assumption of Inconvenience, of course.

Oh, let’s not bother Aunt T and Uncle A to have to make all the arrangements to be able to attend the Confirmation on a Monday night. They have enough on their plate already. Yada yada…

So, we will be missing yet another big event due to this misguided attempt to “help” us by excluding us.  Doesn’t it make so much more sense that if you’re so sympathetic to our plight, why not include us with an invitation and just be understanding if we do decline?

I really hate the the Assumption of Inconvenience.

Almost as much as the Snub of Intent or the Stranger’s Glare of Ignorance.

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Comments»

1. tiredmama - April 27, 2009

So sorry — that sucks!

2. acollage - April 28, 2009

Blech, I hate that. “Oh, I figured your son wouldn’t want to come” or even worse “I figured he wouldn’t want to come after what happened last time.” You can almost hear the scary movie music playing in the background.

I’m sorry this happened to you, particularly for such an important event. It’s not fair, and I really don’t get it. But then I don’t get a lot these days. (Including why I have really good intentions but never seem to have time to get on here very often.)

And, yes, the bunny did bring Sorry Sliders! It’s a blast! Great for O.T. and just plain out fun. 🙂 Hope your Easter was a good one!

3. MOMSBLESSINGS - April 28, 2009

I’m so sorry that happened to you both, peole don’t realize how much these things hurt. They should have known you would have either declined the invitation, or worked something out, even if only one of you went…..Especially when it’s your Godchild. Shame on them!

4. Chun Wong - May 1, 2009

How horrible and hurtful. Can you explain your feelings to your friend? Surely they need to know how you feel or this could really affect your friendship.

hopeauthority - May 2, 2009

I am the first to admit that I can be oversensitive to “slights” (real or perceived) as I’m sure many parents of special need kids may be. In many cases, its because years of such slights have worn us and down and made us depressed or angry.

The good news is that when you’re dealing with true friends…like the couple here…you do talk it out and get past it. And I mean really get past it…not pretending and still burning inside.

It has to do with them having the rare and wonderful ability to understand and look past the obstacles of autism…99% of the time. So its easy to forgive a slight when you value the friendship so much.


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