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Autism and the Teenager March 17, 2015

Posted by hopeauthority in Autism, autism activities, autism diet, autism teen, humor, Parenting, special needs, specific carbohydrate diet.
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He turned 13 this week. A teenager now.

Oh My God. How did this happen?

On one hand, I feel like it was yesterday when he was born, then diagnosed at almost 2. Maybe the fact that his autism had us locked into the “terrible twos” for ten years has something to do with my disbelief that my little man is now a teen. Yet on the other hand, I feel like I’m 102 and I can’t remember life before autism.

I had to laugh at all the Facebook friends who saw the birthday post that I have a teen… and started warning me to go out and buy hair color now. Hello? “Now”? “Now”, you say? Where have you been? Honey, I’ve been Clairol’s best customer for this whole 11 year ride. (Of course, I’ve been known to sport that gray “skunk stripe” more times than I’d like to recall when I didn’t have the time to get to the salon.)

Anyway, autism has grayed me, and aged me. And the teenage years to come scare me.

The hormones kicked in about a year ago, along with the teenage angst and the mustache. How is it that the kid has a mustache at 12 anyway? Seventh grade seems young to me for that. My boy. He is so gorgeous with his green eyes, slim build, long hair and ready smile. He could model…if only he could sit still and focus long enough.

I worry about his attraction to girls and their attraction to him. I see heartbreak and frustration coming. He isn’t “typical” enough for a relationship yet. Maybe someday. But he desperately wants to make connections and is trying so hard, though he lacks the conversational skills. His life-long desire to hug everyone, once cute, is getting awkward now as he grows to an already 5’4′ tall. Language is the one thing, no, the biggest thing, that prevents him from the breakthrough we all feel is right on the other side of that invisible wall.

He’s come so far though. I never thought he’d talk when he was first diagnosed. And while I can’t really yet imagine it, I am hopeful he will live a somewhat independent life someday. He takes dance and piano and acting lessons. He plays basketball, baseball and lacrosse on special needs teams. And in one of the greatest feats ever: He sang a two minute song…Do you Hear the People Sing from Les Miserables!…all alone with only an instrumental accompaniment while competing in a suit and tie in a local pageant on the stage of a large community theater. Massive accomplishment. Yet, he can’t hold a conversation.

You know what? Conversation is overrated. Today is a day to celebrate how far my wonderful teenager has come. And how bright his future will be. How bright all their futures will be.

* * * * * * * * * * *** * * * *

Brag on: What has your child accomplished that you never thought he/she would? Or what do you fear your child will never accomplish?

Finding Time to Blog on Autism May 21, 2013

Posted by hopeauthority in Autism, autism diet, Children, humor, Parenting, special education, special needs, specific carbohydrate diet.
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your-are-late

Oh. My. God.

I am so sorry… and so stoked… at the same time.

I don’t have to tell you why I fell off the blog bandwagon because you “get it”. Autism gets in the way of so many things. Including blogging.

Days fly by. Then weeks and years follow. And before you know it, your little “Fabio” is 11 and ready to graduate fifth grade and go to Middle School next year.  I simply can’t believe the time has passed. And yet I look so young. Not!

I’m not sure if any of my original followers are still out there, but I’d love to hear if you are and to catch up on how your not-so-little ones are doing!

The good news is that I’ve tried many new things for my little man and will be able to share that all with you. He is still on the SCD (Specific Carbohydrate Diet) and that’s 8 years now! I never thought I could keep up this maniacal pace of cooking and baking everything he eats for so long now. But I have. With the popularity of Paleo and Primal diets, SCD is easier than ever as many of those recipes fit SCD or can easily be adapted to comply.

I am looking forward to being here more often. You see, I blog for a living for some really wonderful doctors (part of what makes it hard to blog for pleasure). But here, I only have you guys to answer to, and I don’t have to weigh Every. Single. Word. I can just let it spill from the heart. Or from the gut. Whatever it happens to be that day. Uncensored “stim talk”.

Before I dive in, are there any questions? Any issues you’re having I can help with?

I can’t wait to start sharing all the funny things, the inspiring things, the ugly things…come on, it’s real autism here not the sugar-coated version. Also, there are the therapies like NAET, Braincore and HBOT. And the school and extracurricular stories. And the cursing…

Puberty is coming. Lord, help me.

It’ll be a blast. I promise.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * ***

Who are you? Tell me about your little one.

 

Autism: Birthday Party or No Birthday Party? March 10, 2010

Posted by hopeauthority in Autism, Children, Family, Parenting, special needs.
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29 comments

Well, it’s that time of the year again. Time to plan Fabio’s birthday party. He wants an indoor pool party (we still have snow here).

And I won’t even get into how bothered I am by the fact that he’s turning EIGHT. Where did all that time go? And yet, sometimes it feels like he should be 20 because he’s been 2 for about 10 years…

As I was making out the short guest list, I realized that only one of the kids who had autism had had a party of his own and even that kid just had one or two. And its not a financial thing. The moms, all of whom I know well and for at least 3 years, offer these reasons:

1. He doesn’t “get”  the birthday party concept, so why spend the time and money?

2. He doesn’t “get” the presents thing.

3. He doesn’t interact with his peers, so why bother if he won’t even notice anyone’s there.

4. I can’t predict how he’ll behave on that day and if he’s “off”, then it’ll all be a waste.

5. I’m tired of family or friends complaining that he doesn’t come up to them. They don’t get it and I have no patience.

6. He won’t know what he’s missing.

On one hand, I can relate to a lot of what they feel. And yet, even with hesitation, I booked the party today. For this Saturday. (Not too last minute, right?)

Maybe I’m just wishful, but I think Fabio does understand that kids should have a birthday celebration. And I think I’d be sad if the only cake was the one at the dinner table with just the four of us. Is it just that I can’t let the dream of typical die? Maybe. And I’d beat myself up with Italian guilt if I did actually hurt his feelings by not having a party with his peers. But that’s me and it’s what I hope is right for my son.

I’d love to know what others think about having traditional birthday parties for their autistic kids. Do you or don’t you? Do you do it only for your typical kids? And what about the guests: a mix of typical and special needs children or not? What kind of party do you have (ie pool, bowling, etc.)?

Share your thoughts here.

Autism Diet Challenge: Just Try It! March 1, 2010

Posted by hopeauthority in Autism, autism diet, Children, Health, Parenting, specific carbohydrate diet.
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Right off the bat I want to warn you that I am sticking my neck out here in an effort to save the world, instead of  just worrying about helping my own son. And I’m sure someone is going to make me regret that I did, but I’m going for it so I can sleep at night…

Ok. I try to be open-minded, and I love a good debate. And I really try to be respectful of other people’s opinions when they differ from mine.

But if I’m being truly honest with myself, I need to face this one pet peeve I have that sort of deviates from what I just said.

I can’t for the life of me understand why parents won’t at least TRY an autism diet to see if it would help their child!

Let’s examine some top reasons why people won’t try it:

1. There’s no proof it works, and recently, there have been reports that say it doesn’t.

To that I say: Not everything, especially something like the implementation of a diet and it’s affect on behavior, can be adequately tested in a study. Is there anyone out there who wouldn’t trust their own gut and eyes over a medical report? Let’s not forget how many decades the government and medical establishment let us go on thinking cigarettes weren’t harmful…

2. It’s too expensive.

Yes, it is more expensive in the sense that you will spend more money on food for a special diet than a mainstream diet… unless of course your regular diet is one of take-out food. But, if your child felt better and behaved better, wouldn’t that be worth the cost? Maybe you’d offset the diet’s cost with the money you might save on other treatments that may now not be needed.

3. It’s too hard to do.

It is hard, at first. And at times, like parties and holidays. But parties and holidays with a wild child are hard too. What if the diet helped your child and you and he could enjoy the party for a change? In time, the diet  just becomes a part of life and that’s how you’d have to look at it. Look at it as a lifestyle choice, not a diet. Otherwise, like all diets, it’ll be doomed to fail. 

4. I can’t imagine “doing this to him” for his whole life!

First of all, take small steps. Tell yourself you’ll just give it a real try for 30 days. And then give it a real, honest try. Even when it’s difficult. And it will be hard at first…especially if it is working! No cheating. You will know in 30 days if there’s some noticeable improvement in your child. And when you see that change, that is where the strength to continue the diet comes from. And support groups online. For me, I saw improvements in my son within 2 weeks, but it took about 18 months on the diet before his gut healed enough that he finally had a formed stool…just days before his scheduled colonoscopy and endoscopy, thank God.

In my son’s case, we were fortunate enough to have very specialized labwork done through an autism study he was involved in (lab work you can’t just order from a local lab) and we KNOW he has some mutations and can not digest the proteins in certain foods. In fact, his body breaks them down into harmful opiates, which, when released into the bloodstream, travel to the brain and contribute to the autistic behaviors. For me, feeding him the typical American diet is like feeding him poison. What if your child has that kind of mutation, but you don’t know it?

5. He won’t eat that food. He’s picky.

Okay, who is the parent here? This is the time to get tough.  And the earlier you implement a diet, the easier it is to do. My son was just turning 3 and you have more control at a younger age. Plus the diet will be well established by the time he starts school and he won’t even remember McDonald’s nuggets, so he won’t long for them, though he may be curious about them.

Think of those processed foods as the enemy. Most kids are picky eaters. It’s in your hands whether you are going to let your kid’s chosen 4 favorites be healthy ones or not. If you stick to your guns, your child will eventually give in since his survival instinct will make him eat this way if that’s all you offer. Plus, some kids are actually addicted to foods their bodies are craving because bacteria in their guts need those foods to live. If that’s the case in your child, you need to break that cycle by depriving the bacteria from feeding. You do that by eating differently. You starve the bacteria and they die. And the gut heals.

6. It’s not healthy.

Come on. How balanced do you think the typical American diet of chicken nuggets, hot dogs and pizza is? With so many children becoming obese and diabetic, these diets are actually a gift of health that you can give to your child.

Even adults would do well on this diet. The Specific Carbohydrate Diet that my son is on has been helping celiacs, Crohns and IBS patients for over 50 years. Have you noticed how middle aged folks are suddenly unable to tolerate dairy or gluten? I’ve been told it’s because our bodies haven’t evolved fast enough to keep up with the processing of the foods we eat today. We so-called healthy people can’t break down these chemically-processed foods. How can our children then?

Under the supervision of a medical professional and with the proper nutritional supplementation if needed, these diets can resolve intestinal and digestive problems that you may not even realize your child is suffering from. Don’t you want to feed your child a diet that makes him or her feel their best?

7. My child doesn’t have any food allergies or sensitivites so he doesn’t need the diet.

Maybe. Maybe not. A doctor can give a diagnosis. But a mother’s instinct says a lot, too… if she knows what to look for. Does your child have any of the red flag signs of an allergy or sensitivity…such as red cheeks, skin rashes/eczema, dark or reddish circles under their eyes? Maybe constipation or diahhrea? Does he eat certain few foods to the exclusion of most others…almost like an addict? Can’t sleep at night?

8. I don’t know where to start.

First, find a doctor who supports autism diets. A recommendation from a friend is best, but failing that, look for a DAN (Defeat Autism Now) doctor or chiropractor. Allergists and immunologists with autism practices may be able to help you. Some, but few, pediatricians may too. Be sure they have experience with autism diets.

Do some research. There’s a few different diets out there. The best one (in my opinion only) is the Specific Carbohydrate Diet  my son has been on for 5 years and you can learn all about it by reading the fascinating book Breaking the Vicious Cycle by Elaine Gottschall. SCD is like GF/CF to the extreme since it allows no grain at all and my challenge is to try this diet for 30 days if you think you can handle it! (For more info, see the Autism Diet Help tab in this blog). But there’s also regular GF/CF (gluten free/casein free) diets and the Feingold Diet.

****I’ve always been an advocate of therapies that may improve the lives of our autistic children …so long as they do not have the potential for harm. These diets are healthy ways of eating for anyone. There is no harm if a doctor is on board with any nutritional supplementation. It may not make any difference in your child’s behavior, but it won’t hurt him or you to try it. 

But what if it helps him? What if it even recovers him?

Can you live with yourself if you didn’t take that chance? It could be the simplest of answers. Just 30 days to see if it may help. You don’t need Jenny McCarthy or me to tell you. You will know if it’s helping. And if it’s not, go off it with the peace of mind of knowing you gave it a real try, instead of living with the nagging wonder if you should do it.

By April 1st, those persistent red cheeks and shiners could be gone. Maybe even some language. Please trust me and just try it. And come back and let me know how it went!

What has your experience been with autism diets? I want the good, the bad, and the ugly…

Autism: One step forward, two steps back February 25, 2010

Posted by hopeauthority in Autism, Children, Health, Parenting, special needs.
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What was that saying from science class?

Something like “for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction”. Well, I think there’s some real truth in that…especially when applying it to kids with Autism.

Take my kid, for instance.

Every time he has a big break-through in language development, it’s accompanied by an equally big setback in behavior. Seriously, every time one positive gain is noticeable, so is the accompanying glaring setback.

Do you notice that in your kids?

It’s almost like the section of the brain that gets fired up and starts cranking out new language suddenly sucks up all of the brain’s total energy supply so that it can fuel the language burst. Like it steals the energy from the other parts, leaving the part of the brain that’s responsible for behavior depleted and gasping for air.

Leaving me with a little monster… who. won’t. stop. talking.

I’m not complaining about the talking. After all, I repeatedly promised … in countless late night secret bargains with God… that I’d never complain about how much Fabio talked or anything that might someday come out of his mouth  if God would just let him become verbal.  And I am so thankful.

But the frustration over dealing with behaviors resurfacing after you thought they were gone for good can be overwhelming. Why does nearly every milestone have to come with a price tag? Isn’t there ever a win-win?

So, with little choice in the matter, we wait it out. We wait for the balance in the brain to be restored and the energy to flow evenly. We wait for the language to take root and the behaviors to level off.

For we know that when this little maniac transforms back into his more manageable self, he will be one more step further along in his journey from a simple exchange to a conversation.

Autism is like the Olympics February 24, 2010

Posted by hopeauthority in Autism, autism diet, Children, Health, Parenting.
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The Thrill of Victory…and the Agony of Defeat.

My last post was clearly a thrill of victory one.

This one  is more of an agony of defeat kind.

Been going through a rough patch with Fabio. I recently messed with his diet in one of my very rare attempts to broaden it ever so slightly. Nothing crazy or not permitted. Just some things high in salicylates, which he is kind of sensitive to…so we avoid them for long stretches of time and then periodically attempt to reintroduce them.

That attempt sadly sent my little guy over the cliff just like that Olympic skiier whose famous wipe-out in the 70’s lived on for decades as the “face” of the agony of defeat.

He’s been having trouble in school attending to his work and focusing. He’s been aggressive and often full of rage when the slightest demands are put upon him.

During the never-ending month long week the kids were just off from school, I finally took him to the DAN chiro, who took one look at his eyes and said, “What did you do to his diet?” Then he looked at my eyes, full of tears. All I could blurt out before they ran over was “One of us needs medication.”

Every minute of every day so often, I second-guess myself about the choices we’ve made regarding Fabio’s care. The natural/holistic autism course we’ve taken. But deep down, I think it was right … for us.  Is right, for us. To me, it is more important that we do no harm. Even if the choice means that he doesn’t advance as far, as fast. It’s so easy to imagine that the other road would have lead to a happier place when we hit a bump in the one that we’re on.

So …to continue with my cheesy sports analogies…we’ve decided to stay the course. When the going gets tough, the tough get going …  I’ve removed all of the offending additions from his diet, and finally after a freakin week of insanity am now seeing  my happy little man emerging from the edge of the cliff he’d gone over.

So I’m forced to face that as Fabio’s coach and biggest fan, I can dictate the course of his daily routine and diet, guide him as best I can, and cheer loudly from the sidelines as he works so much harder than the average person, day in and day out. I can triumph in his victories and cry over his setbacks along the way. I can help make him the best that he can be. But there are factors out there that I can not control. All any of us can ask of ourselves …and those we love …is to try our best.

And if he doesn’t get on the podium this year, there is always next time. Training begins hard… again… tomorrow.

Autism and the School Play February 18, 2010

Posted by hopeauthority in Autism, Children, Parenting, school, special education, special needs, specific carbohydrate diet, Uncategorized.
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“He’s going to be a horse.”

The note came home from his second grade teacher. The play he’s been working so hard for since October in his mainstream Music class was rapidly approaching.

A HORSE??

What the heck kind of play is this? Is it all horses? Is the horse a central character? And most importantly…can the show go on if the horse runs away?!

The note continues. “Must wear solid black, brown, or tan. A headpiece will be provided.”

HEADPIECE?!

You’re freakin kidding, right? Ok. Now, I’m starting to sweat. What kind of headpiece are we talkin about here? Doesn’t matter. I don’t see him even trying it on, much less wearing it for a 30 minute production.

Thirty minutes?

What are the odds of Fabio and his one other autistic classmate making it through this mainstream version of “The Tortoise and the Hare”…with about 35 other “typical” second graders?

Thirty minutes of standing in place on risers, many musical numbers with hand and arm gestures, taking turns, NOT running away, even in the face of all those parents and grandparents and their camcorders…and all the noise.

To date, Fabio has had bad experiences with stages. Graduation from his special needs program right before kindergarten didn’t go well. He was miserable, wouldn’t wear the cap, and was melting in the gown. And he refused to go up for his diploma. One of only 3 kids who wouldn’t. Ditto in two award ceremonies for reading since then.

But time has passed since those events. And Fabio has also had a chance to see his sister perform in several concerts and live theater productions in the community. He goes to the shows, sits nicely, and gives her flowers at the end. And he loves music. Maybe this would be different.

I figured I’d better prepare him in advance for the idea that we’d be coming to see this play. So a few days beforehand, while he and I were laying in my bed relaxing before bedtime,  I said in my happy but not too excited voice, “Mommy and Daddy can’t wait to come and see you be a horse in the show.”

“No.”

“Well, um, yes, honey. We are going to come see you just like the other mommies and daddies of your friends. Ok?”

“No.”

Time for a new approach. “Honey, Mommy and Daddy want to come see you just like we come see Nic (Sister) in her shows. We are so happy and proud of you and want to come see your play. And we’ll bring you a present.”

I see the wheels turning as he considers this. I brace myself for the request. Surely he’ll ask for some costly toy…

“Bring flowers.”

Did I hear that right? Flowers? For a school production? For a boy? Well, why the hell not! You got it, bud. And I secretly applauded his connection between his play and his sister’s plays and the ritual of giving flowers.

So we grabbed the camcorder, special treats for the after-party that he could eat on his diet, and of course, the freakin flowers, and we hurried off into the snowy morning traffic to get good seats for whatever was in store for us. And we waited. All the “typical” kids came in and took their places. All the kids in the classes of those kids came in and took their places.  All those kids’ parents and grandparents came in and took their places.

Where is he?

Then, bringing up the rear… like a cowboy hearding cattle… marched my “horse” with the horse headband on! He went right to his spot on the riser. The music began.

He was perfect. PERFECT. He was typical. In fact, he was better than typical. No one there would ever have guessed that he or his classmate beside him had autism.

I started to cry. My husband started to cry. His teachers and aides started to cry. His former teachers who came out in the snow from other schools and from maternity leave just to see him…started to cry. And for about 30 minutes we all watched in awe as he did every single thing just right. And he radiated happiness. The little black horse with the headpiece on his head.

And when it was over and the tears were dried, that little horse rode off into the hallway… carrying flowers like a champion.

Autism Statistics Now 1:100! October 5, 2009

Posted by hopeauthority in Autism, Children, Family, Health, Parenting, special education, special needs.
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There’s many stereotypes and generalizations about autistic kids. Like they don’t handle change well…they like routine…they hate transitions. Well, maybe the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree in this house.

I was on a roll with this blog when my aunt passed away in May. For three and a half months, I found it hard to carve out the time for blogging. It’s not about just posting comments, but also about reading those of others. It’s about sharing and connecting.

My aunt died. My routine was broken. I was unhappy about both. Then a new routine of not blogging set in without me really realizing it. And then that became a hard routine to break.

And so much has happened that was newsworthy in the public eye… as well as in our private life… that caused me to at least think “I gotta get back to my blog!” Yet I didn’t.

I let horror stories go. I didn’t pay proper respects at the loss of Ethel Kennedy Shriver, or of local autism heroes. I’ve been lax in reporting Fabio’s HBOT progress or any of his milestones and challenges. There’s a 100 posts in my head that never made it to the screen.

But today, in Newsday, my local newspaper, an article by Carla K. Johnson, entitled, New study  reveals worrisome autism numbers, jogged me out of my fog and sent me running to the computer:

Two new government studies indicate about 1 in 100 children have autism disorders–higher than a previous U.S. estimate of 1 in 150.

Suddenly, I am moved to write again. But I am speechless. 

Perhaps a moment of silence would be best…

Autism and School Picture Day May 19, 2009

Posted by hopeauthority in Autism, Children, Parenting, school, special needs.
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Is there anyone…anyone…out there in Autismland who has gotten a good school picture of their kid? Ok, I’ll settle for a decent one. Anyone?

Hmmm. Let me make this easier…

Anyone got one with both shoes still on?

Actually seated… without a tantrum in progress?

How about actually looking at the camera? Okay, that wasn’t fair to even ask.  Anyone have one looking even remotely in the direction of the camera? I’m talking anything at an angle less than a profile.

Anyone with a hairdo that doesn’t scream “BEDHEAD”?

Anyone whose boy isn’t clutching a Barbie in each fist?

Anyone whose kid didn’t spill something on the shirt?

Anyone whose kid kept the shirt on despite the annoying tag in the neck?

As you may have guessed, today is school picture day…again. We are lucky enough to have one in the fall and another in the spring. That’s two wasted checks for $35.00 each in a vain attempt to get a normal looking photo like the rest of the world. And to shut up the mother-in-law.

Where in God’s name do these so-called photographers come from? The freakin’ Department of Motor Vehicles! You know the type…they say “On three. One. Two.” Snap. WTF!!!

Speaking of which, there should be a license required to take our kids’ pictures. 

Until then, here’s a list of helpful hints to get you through the annual ritual:

  • Order the least expensive package since you will probably either send it back or only keep copies for yourself. In the unlikely event you get a winner and do want to distribute it to the entire world, you’ll be happy to pay a bit more for the reprints.
  • Don’t count on him wearing the new shirt. Hope. Attempt it. But don’t count on it. You don’t want to start the day on a stressful note by fighting over the outfit.  Pick a comfortable favorite that you …and he…can live with.
  • Write a note to the photographer in bold print where he can’t miss it (and also tell the teacher to tell him)  that your child has autism and to please have patience and make the extra effort to get him to look at the camera…and ask him to take several shots so that one may actually be decent. I tell him I have tons of relatives and am just waiting for a good shot so I can order more pictures.
  • Send a back-up shirt to school incase the first choice gets ruined before the photos.
  • If you have an old school photo, show it to him before  he leaves and tell him its picture day at school today and you want him to sit nice and smile…and then offer him a positive reinforcer for when he gets home.
  • Send a brush to school and ask the teacher to use it if his hair gets messy. But if your kid hates having his hair brushed, reconsider this tip and just hope for the best.
  • Ask the teacher in advance to schedule the photos for the best time of day for the majority of the class…usually earlier in the day.

So, there you have them. My golden nuggets of school picture day advice for the autistic. Oh, and there’s one more thing:

  • Don’t sweat it if they come back embarrasingly lame…as they usually do. Just send your mother-in-law (and everyone else) an enlargement of one of the many great shots that you’ve taken of your kid.

You know the ones I’m talking about…the ones that only a mother can take.

The ones that capture the true essence and spirit of your child. As if you had a license or something…

Autism and the Assumption of Inconvenience April 26, 2009

Posted by hopeauthority in Autism, Parenting, religion.
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I call it the “Assumption of Inconvenience”.

You’ve all likely experienced it already. Often. But if not, you will. Oh, you will.

It comes into play when there’s an event, holiday, or a function of some importance… being hosted by friends or family with whom you may actually have a good relationship… that you so righteously expect to be invited to.

But… the invite never comes.

WTF?, you ask.

This just happened to hubby and me …again… this week.

In this latest situation, I innocently asked my good friend Rose on Wednesday when she came to pick up her freakin dog that I dog-sat for (more on that later) when her daughter…our Goddaughter…was making her Confirmation.

She replied: “Monday”.

As in tomorrow.

Ummm, were you ever even going to tell me?

These are really close friends. They “get” the autism thing better than anyone we know. We love them and their kids and the feeling is mutual. So why the apparent snub?

The Assumption of Inconvenience, of course.

Oh, let’s not bother Aunt T and Uncle A to have to make all the arrangements to be able to attend the Confirmation on a Monday night. They have enough on their plate already. Yada yada…

So, we will be missing yet another big event due to this misguided attempt to “help” us by excluding us.  Doesn’t it make so much more sense that if you’re so sympathetic to our plight, why not include us with an invitation and just be understanding if we do decline?

I really hate the the Assumption of Inconvenience.

Almost as much as the Snub of Intent or the Stranger’s Glare of Ignorance.